I want to sleep the dream of the apples,
to withdraw from the tumult of cemeteries,
I want to sleep the dream of that child
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

I don't want to hear again that the dead do not lose their blood,
that the putrid mouth goes on asking for water.
I don't want to learn of the tortures of the grass,
nor of the moon with a serpent's mouth
that labors before dawn.

I want to sleep awhile,
awhile, a minute, a century;
but all must know that I have not died;
that there is a stable of gold in my lips;
that I am the small friend of the West wing;
that I am the intense shadow of my tears.

Cover me at dawn with a veil.
because dawn will throw fistfuls of ants at me.
and wet with hard water my shoes
so that the pincers of the scorpion slide.

For I want to sleep the dream of the apples,
to learn a lament that will cleanse me of the earth;
for I want to live with that dark child
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

Originally published at +Voodoo Envy+.

So I finally started my chemotherapy yesterday.  It was some 4.5 hours, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  For the most part I was just cold and slightly queazy.  I did get more nauseous as I got home but I got some meds and ginger tea/candy helped bunches.

I haven't been eating as much... just can't stomach the thought.

Nurse told me that one of my chemo drugs (I take two) is the one that makes me crazy nauseous and that I will probably feel the side-effects for the next seven days -oh joy!- I said... "It can't be worse than having morning sickness all day."  It's not.  It's more annoying.

Had my second session  today.  It was only two hours.  Tomorrow is my last session (another two hours) and then I'm done for the  month.

I'll be going back October 6th for my second round of chemo.  Will probably lose my hair then... I'll be rocking though. I look good in any hair style and I always wondered if I had a pretty head.  I'll be sporting the baldie for a while but it will be much fun to play with.  Then I some new hair and I'm hoping its as pretty as my daughter's.

I will go back to work next week -thank GOD!- I'm not one to stay at home all the time and just do nothing productive.  Work will keep my mind off things.  So all it's all good.  Everyone there is understanding and I'm sure the change in atmosphere will do my soul some wonders.  I'm a little apprehensive though, since it's been a long while since I've worked, but I'm sure in a week or two it will be just like old times and I'll be kicking some major booty.  

Anyway... all in all, things are good.  Or as good as they are gonna get.  I'll take it one day at a time and see how I feel later on.

I'll keep you all's posted - XOXO

I do not love you
as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.



No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.